Audrey Hepburn once said, "As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others."
And in my case, that is very true. A long time ago, when my family and I would discuss all the places in the world that we would like to visit, we would usually trail off into naming the places we wouldn't want to visit. I immediately said, "Africa. I could never ever go there." And for a long time, I decided I would not go there, for hygiene purposes and for being uncomfortable with the type of food they have there (I'm an American, I can't help it).
About a year ago, I was given an Audrey Hepburn biography by Sean Ferrer, who happens to be her son. She is one of my favorite people in the whole entire world, and here and there I like to flip through the book for inspiration. The last part of the book is devoted to her endless work with UNICEF and all the trips she made to Africa, and how she fought so hard for those kids. The pictures that were taken on her trips are beautiful, and indescribable.
But one thing in particular really hit home with me. It said that on one of her trips, she was helping give out porridge to a long line of African orphans. It said that to them, it was the best thing in the world that they got a simple bowl of porridge, since that usually was their only meal for the day, or even a few days. Anyway, it said that there was one little girl standing in line who was so eager to get to the top of the line, that she was jumping around. When she got to front, she took one look at the porridge, ran past it, and went straight to Audrey. She wrapped herself around her. She was willing to pass up her only meal so she could have any kind of affection. The cameramen decided not to photograph it because it was a moment that could never be caught just on camera.
When I read that, I nearly cried. To think that are children who'd trade food for a simple hug is overwhelming and very burdening.
Tonight at church, we had the Pottersfield Ministry come and speak. They are a married couple who comes and does a bit of an altar call. The wife sings, while her husband molds clay onstage, and speaks about their testimony. It is a beautiful thing to watch, and I was very much inspired by it. They are also devoted to giving back to children and need, and have visited South America and South Africa many times. As they showed a video clip of their trips, and the faces of the kids there, I couldn't help but cry. Seeing their faces, and how happy they are because someone is there to love on them and teach them was incredibly emotional to me. Like I said in my last post, I have a heavy, heavy burden for children. (Remind me to be careful the next time I ask God to break my heart for what breaks His...) It just got me thinking that what if I could go? What if I could go to Africa and see those kids for myself? I have this burning desire now to just go there and love them. Just to look at them and pray with them, and tell them that everything's going to be alright. I want that. And it sounds crazy, but I need that. I can't sit here and watch them, and hear bout them. After church I found myself praying Isaiah 6:8, "here I am Lord, send me! Send me to the world."
Maybe this will be my calling. I don't know. I just know that I need to know those children, for my soul, and for theirs too.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
I’ve been
thinking a lot about when I become either a nurse, or a doctor, what
area do I want to work in? What would fit me best? It might be a little
early to start contemplating, but I can’t help but wonder.
I was pretty sure I was going to go into OB/GYN, but the Lord’s been putting Pediatrics on my heart a lot. Ironically, that was the area I swore never to work in. Not because I don’t like children, but God has given me a very heavy burden for them.
I’ve always liked children, but not the kind where I squeal over them at Disneyland. I love babies more, but of course, children are amazing as well. I'm not the best at communicating with them, but I love them dearly. I see children as very precious and sacred. And from what the Bible says, God sees them this way too. I have an enormous amount of respect for children; and also the need to protect them. Looking at the world around me, it kills me to see grown men and women take advantage of, abuse, and neglect them. It is not fair to me. I hate the adult world around me. It makes me sick. Children are the foundation of which we live on, so how could people ever treat them horribly? I truly believe children are some of the most beautiful people that can ever walk this planet. That is, until they become adults. Whenever I hear of any kind of child suffering, I shut down. I can’t cope with seeing children being in pain, or suffering, it literally kills me on the inside. I am at my most emotional when it comes to them. They are beautiful instruments of the Lord's glory and mercy. What I mean is, the way God works through children is so incredible, that children are the solid proof of God Himself. They look up to us, and learn from us, but sometimes when you take a leaf out of their book, it really can open your eyes. It sounds a bit overused already, but I want to go to another country, and hug those little kids who are slowly dying from starvation. I want to hold them and tell them it will be alright.
Where this burden stemmed from, I'm not exactly sure. Maybe it's my experience with kids, (I've been babysitting and serving in the infant ministry at church) or maybe its just because God gave me it.
So, even though it is a difficult area to be in, maybe Peds is exactly where I am supposed to go.
I was pretty sure I was going to go into OB/GYN, but the Lord’s been putting Pediatrics on my heart a lot. Ironically, that was the area I swore never to work in. Not because I don’t like children, but God has given me a very heavy burden for them.
I’ve always liked children, but not the kind where I squeal over them at Disneyland. I love babies more, but of course, children are amazing as well. I'm not the best at communicating with them, but I love them dearly. I see children as very precious and sacred. And from what the Bible says, God sees them this way too. I have an enormous amount of respect for children; and also the need to protect them. Looking at the world around me, it kills me to see grown men and women take advantage of, abuse, and neglect them. It is not fair to me. I hate the adult world around me. It makes me sick. Children are the foundation of which we live on, so how could people ever treat them horribly? I truly believe children are some of the most beautiful people that can ever walk this planet. That is, until they become adults. Whenever I hear of any kind of child suffering, I shut down. I can’t cope with seeing children being in pain, or suffering, it literally kills me on the inside. I am at my most emotional when it comes to them. They are beautiful instruments of the Lord's glory and mercy. What I mean is, the way God works through children is so incredible, that children are the solid proof of God Himself. They look up to us, and learn from us, but sometimes when you take a leaf out of their book, it really can open your eyes. It sounds a bit overused already, but I want to go to another country, and hug those little kids who are slowly dying from starvation. I want to hold them and tell them it will be alright.
Where this burden stemmed from, I'm not exactly sure. Maybe it's my experience with kids, (I've been babysitting and serving in the infant ministry at church) or maybe its just because God gave me it.
So, even though it is a difficult area to be in, maybe Peds is exactly where I am supposed to go.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Calories Are Precious
Taking some time out of my day to blog feels good. I have literally been typing all day, getting incredibly frustrated over all the procrastination I have inflicted on myself. I guess its a good thing I'm feeling productive today.
Today was the first day of my goal to lose weight. I think I've attempted it about 10-12 times over the course of maybe two years, and failing when I over indulge. But this time, I am determined. Dress shopping is coming up for a Christmas banquet, and I would like to at least drop one size. I, against my mother's wishes, made a log of how many calories I intake. So far so good. I skipped breakfast (your probably clucking in disapproval, but I wake up late) so my calories were much less. I would estimate I had around 1300 calories today, which is less than my goal, 1500 per day. Once I get into the hang of it, I'll slowly decrease to about 1200. Of course, a diet is not my only strategy. I have power yoga, cardio, and running on my agenda this week. That is...if I can finish all my school work that grew in front of my eyes. Slowly but surely right? My ankle is still a little injured from a sprain last Wednesday, which concerns me because that was almost a week ago. If I move my ankle to much, it still hurts. I find myself sitting down looking at it, trying to diagnose myself. Cause you know, I have a medical degree and everything.
After watching House and Grey's Anatomy, you tend to become hyper aware of any kind of injury, sickness, or unusual body movements you get. But besides becoming a hypochondriac, you become familiar with medical terms and diagnoses that are useful :)
I'm going off subject...
Well, wish me blessings as I ensue on this losing weigh adventure of mine. It will be painful, and I will most definitely need the Lord's strength to resist Satan's temptation for me to scarf down red velvet cake whenever I feel like it.
Today was the first day of my goal to lose weight. I think I've attempted it about 10-12 times over the course of maybe two years, and failing when I over indulge. But this time, I am determined. Dress shopping is coming up for a Christmas banquet, and I would like to at least drop one size. I, against my mother's wishes, made a log of how many calories I intake. So far so good. I skipped breakfast (your probably clucking in disapproval, but I wake up late) so my calories were much less. I would estimate I had around 1300 calories today, which is less than my goal, 1500 per day. Once I get into the hang of it, I'll slowly decrease to about 1200. Of course, a diet is not my only strategy. I have power yoga, cardio, and running on my agenda this week. That is...if I can finish all my school work that grew in front of my eyes. Slowly but surely right? My ankle is still a little injured from a sprain last Wednesday, which concerns me because that was almost a week ago. If I move my ankle to much, it still hurts. I find myself sitting down looking at it, trying to diagnose myself. Cause you know, I have a medical degree and everything.
After watching House and Grey's Anatomy, you tend to become hyper aware of any kind of injury, sickness, or unusual body movements you get. But besides becoming a hypochondriac, you become familiar with medical terms and diagnoses that are useful :)
I'm going off subject...
Well, wish me blessings as I ensue on this losing weigh adventure of mine. It will be painful, and I will most definitely need the Lord's strength to resist Satan's temptation for me to scarf down red velvet cake whenever I feel like it.
Ambiguous and Proud of it
I'm so incredibly indecisive, its ridiculous. I can never choose anything because half the time I'm not sure what it is I really want. If you watch my blog, it has evolved ten too many times. I've been struggling to find a balance between what I want to look at when I go to my blog, and what will appeal to people reading it. I read somewhere that color schemes attract people according to balance, and what the actual colors are. At first, I settled on a blue and green retro scheme, but wasn't quite what I wanted.
Then I stumbled across a wonderful picture of Marilyn Monroe (who I happen to adore) and had a great idea. I put it as my background image and changed the patterns to fit it. I finally decided on red with poppy seeds. It just...fit. There's no garauntee that it won't be changing within the next few weeks, but I will restrain myself from touching the 'customize' button...for now.
I decided to choose Marilyn Monroe because I adore her, and the picture shows something other than the Marilyn that everyone saw. Its a peaceful, nonchalant picture. And sort of goes along with my blog description. 50% of the population at the time never knew who she really was, only that she was basically promiscuous and a Playboy bombshell. She was so much more than people saw her as. I wish she was still here today. Such a tragic end to a beautiful person. Anyway, didn't mean to harsh the mood, but I think my blog's scheme flows well.
Thus...I am now about 99% content with my blog theme.
Then I stumbled across a wonderful picture of Marilyn Monroe (who I happen to adore) and had a great idea. I put it as my background image and changed the patterns to fit it. I finally decided on red with poppy seeds. It just...fit. There's no garauntee that it won't be changing within the next few weeks, but I will restrain myself from touching the 'customize' button...for now.
I decided to choose Marilyn Monroe because I adore her, and the picture shows something other than the Marilyn that everyone saw. Its a peaceful, nonchalant picture. And sort of goes along with my blog description. 50% of the population at the time never knew who she really was, only that she was basically promiscuous and a Playboy bombshell. She was so much more than people saw her as. I wish she was still here today. Such a tragic end to a beautiful person. Anyway, didn't mean to harsh the mood, but I think my blog's scheme flows well.
Thus...I am now about 99% content with my blog theme.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
First Post: Hospital Musings
First of all, it has been a while since I have tapped into the blogging world. I have a Tumblr here, but I don't really count that as a blog. It is simply a compilation of my humor, things that I like to whine about, and everything in between. So, it feels good to have my blog back, where I can write whatever I want and people I don't know can read and hopefully be interested. Anyway, I decided I didn't want to write this long, boring post about how this is my first one and how you should all follow me. I'm just going to wing it and hopefully things will go well.
This week I learned the downside of working in a hospital. If you hadn't read my description, I'm a volunteer. Which means, (no, I don't wear the hideous candy striper outfit) I pick up paperwork, answer phones, make patient charts, etc. Basically, I make the nurse's lives much easier. I work in Labor and Delivery, so there is not a ton of things to do. It is still a lot of fun nevertheless. The nurses are amazing, the doctors are cool, and I get to learn something new each week. I've learned that you can never expect anything from a hospital, because you will always be caught by surprise.
Each week, since sometimes I get incredibly bored in L & D, I will go to the receptionist's desk in the main entrance to help greet people, guide them around, pick up surgery schedules, etc. As me and the receptionist (who happens to be very sweet) were animatedly chatting, we heard the loud wails of a woman across the hall. We couldn't see her, but we heard her. And I have to say, it was the most painful thing I have ever had to listen to. As the crying continued, a young woman walked up to the desk and asking for a patient. When she looked to see the crying woman, her face went white and blank. She ignored me and slowly walked over the woman and embraced her. Apparently she knew her. When I looked, she was still wailing, and people were crowded around her. She did not specify which of her family members passed, but it was still terribly painful to watch and hear. I straightened myself out and went back to Labor and Delivery, unable to stay and witness the rest of it. When I got back, the nurses were discussing how to handle a baby death they just had. Double blow. They were very nonchalant about it, probably because they are used to it. Yet still, this was all new to me, and it kind of sucked. I know this is what I'll have to inevitably face during my nursing career, so maybe this is an early start to get used to it.
But as a believer in Christ, not knowing whether strangers are going to heaven or not is the most painful. I very well know that that baby is with its Creator, but about the other patient...let's hope so.
This week I learned the downside of working in a hospital. If you hadn't read my description, I'm a volunteer. Which means, (no, I don't wear the hideous candy striper outfit) I pick up paperwork, answer phones, make patient charts, etc. Basically, I make the nurse's lives much easier. I work in Labor and Delivery, so there is not a ton of things to do. It is still a lot of fun nevertheless. The nurses are amazing, the doctors are cool, and I get to learn something new each week. I've learned that you can never expect anything from a hospital, because you will always be caught by surprise.
Each week, since sometimes I get incredibly bored in L & D, I will go to the receptionist's desk in the main entrance to help greet people, guide them around, pick up surgery schedules, etc. As me and the receptionist (who happens to be very sweet) were animatedly chatting, we heard the loud wails of a woman across the hall. We couldn't see her, but we heard her. And I have to say, it was the most painful thing I have ever had to listen to. As the crying continued, a young woman walked up to the desk and asking for a patient. When she looked to see the crying woman, her face went white and blank. She ignored me and slowly walked over the woman and embraced her. Apparently she knew her. When I looked, she was still wailing, and people were crowded around her. She did not specify which of her family members passed, but it was still terribly painful to watch and hear. I straightened myself out and went back to Labor and Delivery, unable to stay and witness the rest of it. When I got back, the nurses were discussing how to handle a baby death they just had. Double blow. They were very nonchalant about it, probably because they are used to it. Yet still, this was all new to me, and it kind of sucked. I know this is what I'll have to inevitably face during my nursing career, so maybe this is an early start to get used to it.
But as a believer in Christ, not knowing whether strangers are going to heaven or not is the most painful. I very well know that that baby is with its Creator, but about the other patient...let's hope so.
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